In pursuit of the
good New England life.

A clear request can be short. Explain what gets in the way, say what would help, and ask for a reply in writing.

A note you can borrow

Hi, we're planning to visit [place] on [date]. A family member has a disability, and [barrier] makes it difficult to take part. Would it be possible to [specific adjustment]? Please let us know what you can arrange and who to ask for when we arrive. If that won't work, is there another option? A written reply would help us plan. Thank you!

Be specific

• Could we wait somewhere quieter until it's our turn?
• Could you send a few photos or tell us what happens during the visit?
• Can our support person stay with us?
• Could we have the instructions in writing too?

You can begin with the access need. Your family's entire history needn't go into the first email.

US guidance: businesses open to the public and effective communication. Duties and exceptions depend on the setting. This is a starting point for a request, not individual legal advice.

A lovely lobby is a bonus. A working pool and the right beds are rather more important.

• The room: what are the actual beds? Does the separate sleeping area have a door? “Suite” leaves a surprising amount unanswered.
• The pool: is it open on your dates? And the hot tub? Ask about hours, age rules, and water temperature if it matters to you.
• The timing: can you swim before check-in or after checkout?
• The food: what exactly is in the kitchenette? A fridge and microwave won't do the same job as a stove.
• The noise: ask about events, room location, and somewhere to take a quiet break.
• The bill: get the total with taxes, parking, fees, and deposits. Read the cancellation terms before paying.

Hi, we're looking at a stay on [dates]. Could you confirm the beds and room layout, what's in the kitchenette, and whether both the indoor pool and hot tub will be open? We'd also like their hours and age rules, and whether we can use them before check-in or after checkout. Please include the total with mandatory fees, any deposit, and the cancellation terms. We also need [access adjustment]. Thanks so much!

Ask the property about your actual dates. An old pool photograph can only tell you so much.

Please speak to the person. Give them time to answer. Those two things are a very good place to start.

AAC means augmentative and alternative communication. Pictures, gestures, writing, and devices can all be part of it.

• Keep the person's communication method within reach. Ask before moving or touching a device.
• Leave time for a response before asking the question again.
• Offer choices the person can use, including “no,” “stop,” and “break.”
• Use language that respects their age. Speech alone doesn't tell you what someone understands.

A note for a host

Please speak directly to our family member and give them time to respond. They communicate using [method]. Please keep it available and ask before touching their device. It helps to [individual preference]. They may also need time to pause. Thank you for making room for this.

Further reading: CommunicationFIRST, its guidance written by AAC users, and ASAN on autism.

Ableism can show up in an ordinary exchange: talking over someone, dismissing an access request, or assuming a person won't enjoy an activity because they need help with it.

Some autistic people need substantial support throughout their lives. They still have preferences, privacy, and every reason to be included.

What that means here

Include the person in the conversation.

Speak to them, with the communication support they use.

Allow a different sort of visit.

A break, a shorter stay, or watching before joining in can make the day work.

Keep support available.

Comfort and communication shouldn't have to be earned.

Let private moments stay private.

A hard day doesn't need to become a public story.

We write as a family. Autistic people speak for themselves, including through AAC, and their own words matter.

ASAN on autism · CommunicationFIRST's wording guide

Ask for the reason in writing. It gives you something specific to respond to.

1. Restate the barrier and the adjustment you asked for.
2. Ask which policy applies, and whether another arrangement would work.
3. Find out who can review the decision.
4. Keep the dates and messages. Write down what happened while it's fresh.

Thank you for getting back to us. The difficulty is [barrier], and we asked for [adjustment]. Could you explain why that isn't possible, share the relevant policy, and let us know whether an alternative would work? Who could review the request? We'd appreciate a written reply.

For US rights guidance: businesses, government programs, and Massachusetts communication access. The rules depend on the setting; a refusal alone doesn't establish a legal violation.

One good thing is plenty

Pick the part of the day everyone is looking forward to. Leave space around it, and know what the shorter version looks like.

Before the shoes go on

• Confirm the hours, parking, bathrooms, and food.
• Show what comes first, next, and afterward in a familiar way. Actual photos can help.
• Know where you can take a break, and how to get back to the car.

For the bag

A communication device and charger, familiar food and drink, a comfort item, spare clothes if needed, and the supplies in the person's usual support plan.

There is no prize for staying longer than everyone wants to.

Today's choices, please

A choice board needs to match what's actually available. For an ice-cream stop, that means today's flavors at the right shop.

• Offer a few clear choices, with words and useful pictures.
• Keep flavor, cone or cup, and size as separate decisions.
• A strawberry picture says more than a pink square.
• Include “something else,” “no,” and “finished.” Allow time to choose.

A short plan for a new place

Show the place, who will be there, what happens, where a break can happen, and going home. Use real photos when you can. Leave room for things to change.

Activities for teens

Start with what interests them: swimming, animals, films, a walk, or making something to eat. The amount of help someone needs doesn't make their interests younger.

• Ask about group size, noise, pace, and whether a support person can join.
• Check the changing facilities and where to take a break.
• See whether a short introduction or trial visit is possible.
• Find a part of the activity they can choose and take part in, with the help they need.

A note to hand over

The plan today is [activity and time]. Communication: [method and response time]. What helps: [specific support]. A break: [place or cue]. If plans change: [how to explain or contact us]. Please follow the existing support and emergency plans.

Share private care details securely with the people who need them. More on communication support.

A beautiful sweater that nobody wants to wear is still a sweater sitting in a drawer.

Start with the clothes that feel right. Then look at the details: the collar, the seams, the waistband, and whether the fastenings are manageable.

• Use measurements. One brand's medium isn't every brand's medium.
• Check washing and drying before buying.
• Build around a comfortable shape or color that already gets worn.
• Read the return policy, especially when ordering an unfamiliar fabric.

Classic can be quite simple. Comfortable clothes, a useful layer, and no argument with the waistband.